His Hand is on the Door

Where am I going, and why…?

October 26th, 2007

As I said yesterday, I’m not a big “talk about me” guy - particularly on this kind of medium. One of the joys of my life is spending my writing gift on the glorification of Jesus and pontificating on His beauty and perfection. My secondary joy is to talk about other cool people who love Jesus. I should probably mix in a personal note more here and there - it’s probably the Asian side of me that prefers to keep my priorities ordered in the manner that they are. What do you come here for? Is it for a personal connect or for a connect to my heart and thoughts related to Jesus - and Him crucified? A little of both? I confess that I am unsure of the “why” related to the readership of this space and mostly, I don’t think about it. My “why” related to writing is well documented elsewhere and touched on above. It’s that why alone that will keep me coming back here, pounding away at these keys and throwing words on a page. But I admit that I am intrigued now a bit by your why.

The General “Why”:

“Why” has always been the biggest question of my life. I find that when the “why” is satisfied, I am a better worker, lover, and follower. Last night, I was at Borders Books in Lee’s Summit with my family when we ran into two young women (Kia and Kendra) who were having a passionate discussion about church, life, God, and depth. They were hungry - particularly Kia. She in particular was tired, by her own confession to me later, of the prosperity gospel that she had been hearing continually in her church. She was fairly desperate to find someplace, somewhere, where she would be challenged to live out the truth of the gospel. She was wondering where to go related to Bible School to find answers. My wife discreetly interrupted, and suggested that she grab me and ask me some questions.

She was asking me about what the Bible says to not do related to what she sees regularly in her church. Why do people not do what the Bible says? We talked for about twenty minutes, until the store closed. We talked about the Bible and scripture, what it says, what it means, the fascinated life, the Sermon on the Mount, hunger for God, and how to stay in the “game” for twenty to thirty years. To me, it’s simple. People don’t know why - and if you don’t the “what” alone of obedience and pursuit is impossible to sustain long-term. It’s not enough to try to live “your best life now” today. Which, it seems, many are trying to do: get through the day and try again tomorrow. It seems as if so many live a secret existentialist life in which they have no true meaning or reason for what they do; yet they know that it is good to keep doing it. Maybe, just maybe, if they keep plugging away at things God will somehow help their lives turn an invisible corner.

I didn’t say this to Kia, but really the problem for many comes in one of two areas: people either have wrong vision for their lives or no vision for their lives. Neither ends well, of course. “Mid-life crisis” arrives suddenly for the one who wakes up and finds that they have either failed to accomplish their hopes and dreams or, even worse, have accomplished them and have found them startlingly unsatisfying and empty. No vision, of course, means a life of wandering aimlessly - perishing literally or spiritually from boredom and dullness that has nothing to live for or die for. But wrong vision, in my mind, is far more painful. Wrong vision related to our agendas rather then God’s design and destiny leads to burnout, disallusionment, offense, and great pain. In other words, wrong vision is the key to one’s loss of heart over time (Luke 18:1).

The Specific “Why”:

I found it ironic and enjoyable to spend time talking to those two girls (as my kids prayed in the spirit next to me, at my wife’s suggestion; isn’t she amazing?). For months now, I’ve been gripped in a way that I have not talked about publicly or privately; except for a few close to me. I felt last night a sweet confirmation of the direction that my life is taking; I’m thankful, because it seems to be the direction that the prayer movement is going as well. I’m going to leave that statement intentionally vague for now, and flesh out what is on my mind in that regard another day. Suffice it to say I mean that God is a good leader and seems to keep me for some inexplicable reason right where I need to be, even if I am too dull and foolish to find my own way in this drama called the end of the age.

My burden has a few layers to it. It goes back to a statement, a declaration really, that I made to my wife eleven years ago. I had made it to the Lord first, in secret, and then shared my thoughts with her later. I told her that I never wanted to see youth ministry as a stepping stone to “better things” - but that I wanted to be a youth pastor the rest of my life. Then, after a season, I was done being a youth pastor and the Lord redirected my family to Kansas City. I never figured out what that was all about - beyond the general “youth movement” idea related to the face of the prayer movement at the end of the age.

The Specific “What”:

Now I understand the specific “what” - I’ve just said yes to shift my responsibilities here; my primary responsibilities have shifted and I am now giving leadership to the High School and Junior High ministry at IHOP-KC. I have a burden, specifically for the High Schools in the Kansas City area, specifically the three that are right outside our front doors. In the general sense, I have a burden to see prayer meetings happen daily in every High School and Junior High in the nation. I have a burden to see Junior High students commit to purity with their eyes and their lives in such a radical way that they never one time give their eyes to pornography or any “worthless thing”. I want to see young women become ignited for an Anna destiny that would set them on a course that will shake the earth in the coming days.

The “why”, of course, is because I have over the years started to figure some things out that are obvious to most. I’m just slow on the draw. I’m going back to my roots because that zeal for youth never went away, I never knew what to do with it, and I never understood how to express it in the context of where the Lord has planted me. The greater thing is the reformatting and the rewiring of the Lord from who I was as a youth pastor then to who I am as a father and leader in the prayer movement today. Not that I have gone from clueless to “clue-full” by any stretch of the imagination. I am still as weak, dorky, and narrow today as I was then in so many ways. The “why” of the last few years and my burden for a specific function and calling makes sense in light of the growth processes and maturity that has come from a real prayer life with a little bit of fasting in the mix.

The Specific “Where”:

My new function has landed in a way that seems to have as much permanence as anything can have at a place like this. As my wife told me as we were processing this together, there are things at IHOP-KC that I have done and helped build, but this is more who I am. Still, my calling and function is secondary to my identity and primary calling as an intercessor and a man of prayer. That’s my heart, anyways. I’m still, for a little while, going to help lead the Justice Prayer Room while we are in the days of smallness, in all of its hidden glory. I have committed to the High School and Junior High ministry for ten years and beyond, however. It is a joyful commitment that I hope I have the grace to be given to before the Lord “until” - either until He sees fit to shift my life again or until He comes.

So I am a youth pastor until the end. Technically, in light of the promise of Malachi 4:6, you are too.

David

Entry Filed under: life at ihop-kc